Dependency on God

I had another one of those "Only God could have pulled that off" moments this morning (I seem to have a lot of those these days).

I actually made it through another weekend of singing at Newpointe!!!

You see... I have a medical condition that causes chronic hoarseness... and for a vocalist... that is not a good thing. I have my vocal chords checked on a regular basis by my ENT... and I am told (every time) that my chords are strong and healthy (no nodes or cancer). That is great news every time I hear it... but there is still a lot of inflammation and irritation around the chords that causes the hoarseness. I have been treated for this condition over the past 5 years or so. As a matter of fact... I just had another endoscopy about 2 weeks ago... and I have to go in this next week for some further testing in Akron (They are going to leave a probe in my esophagus for 24 hours to monitor the muscle strength and the amount of acid that is there. Auuughh!). BTW: I am really dreading this one. Please keep me in your prayers.

I am pretty sure that these experiences are God's way of reminding me that, aside from Him, I am weak and helpless. You see... there was a day when I was just the opposite. I was "young and cocky". I felt like I could conquer the world. Oh... you've been there too. Maybe it wasn't singing... but for you maybe it was athletic or academic achievements. I was a studio BGV arranger and vocal leader. At times... I had to be in the studio from 9:00 AM until 2 or 3:00 AM (straight through without any strain on my vocal chords at all). It was awesome!

Today... I often experience hoarseness and even a loss of my voice on Saturday night (which really causes a lot of stress when I know that I need to be able to lead the next morning) Somehow I always find a "supernatural" strength to get through the services... and then my voice just goes away again for the rest of the week. It is pretty amazing how that works! It is like God is saying "I'll give you just enough to do what I need you to do for me this morning." For me... it is just a constant reminder of my total dependency on God. It is a very humbling experience... and one that causes me to TRUST Him more and more. Do I still worry that my voice won't be there when I open my mouth on Sunday morning? Sure... but I always look back and wonder why I ever worried at all. God is so faithful.

I believe that God is going to give the doctors wisdom to find the best way to treat this condition... or that He is going to just deliver me from it all together. Whichever happens... because I can look back at God's faithfulness over the years (and He has a pretty good track record)... I will always trust... and I will always remain completely dependent on Him. I know (without a doubt) where my strength (voice) comes from.

“Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.” (Psalm 9:10)